माय फर्स्ट story

--Deepen Chapagain

I still remember that Saturday morning. The sun was at its might, glaring with strength at the machhapuchhre, as if trying to melt a pound more of its covering. Machhapuchhre was nevertheless, standing still, facing the challenge. It looked to us that the sun had nothing more to do than to add beauty to the already gorgeous machhapuchhre. I was thinking about the conversation that I had with her the other evening. The time was to come and I was firm determined. I felt everything around me as perfect as perfection. They say it right when they say life is beautiful. It indeed is.

She had been the queen of my dreams ever since my childhood. The childhood days and the game thence were fresh in my mind. I had tried real hard to get around her. At an instance I was well within the boundary, atleast for I felt so, but then time and tide waits for none and I was noway an exception.

I had completed my bachelors in medicine and she was on along with her masters degree. It was a friend’s party that brought us together. The nervousness in me was the proof that the feeling that I had for her persisted in me even after all these years. Her pheromones were strong and I was down. Boomerang was crowded that night and the main hall was full of the acquaintances. She pulled me out and to the hammock near the lake. I was there and so was the drink that drifted in my blood making me stronger. She came close to me and whispered something in my ear. A chill ran down my spine. I stood up and went inside. I brought her a glass of wine. Why would I disagree when she said, “I want to drink and drift in your arms”. But all through the way her words were hitting me, hitting me hard. “You are the man of the rising sun. I’m the one to set. Since I can’t forget you I’ll drink till death.” I was seeing what she was pointing to but it was real hard for me to believe. Did she have some feelings for me? Then why didn’t things open up earlier.

“Take it!”.
“Thank you. So how are things on about in kathmandu?”.
“Well they are going on fine. The duties are mild. I fear that I’ll have to leave for some rural areas”.
“That must be a good idea. You’ll have some real time outing. Isn’t it?”
The conversation started something like this but soon drifted to years back.
“You know what? I once wrote a letter but never dared to pass it to you. After all I’m a girl”.
I looked at her. She was looking at me and when I did she looked down at her glass which was now almost down to its base. It was a surprise for me but I felt like I’d lost something. I loved her then and we could have had real good times together.
“I liked you too.”
“Yeah! I knew that. But you never dared to speak it out. I was all but waiting. It was only when you left for kathmandu that I realized it’s gonna be never.”
“Well I tried to but……… I have no explanation. Whatever, do you remember that poster in our class that read –‘better late than never’”.
“Martina Navritilova. Wasn’t it?”
“Yep”. There was a silence for a while until finally she broke it.
“Do you mean it”.
I gave her a smile. “Only if you promise to show me the letter that you wrote.”
“Are you sure that I have saved it.” “I know you dear and I know where.” Well I had no idea however it felt like I was right and I was definitely on lead.


The phone rang just in time.
“Okey. 10 minutes” with this I gave a wink to my dad and took his key.

The road to Pame looked a bit different. I came to Pokhara only in long vacations and my hereabouts would remain around lakeside and other inner parts of the city. It had been quite a long time since I last trod this path. Fewa was smiling as ever and so was the tip of Machhapuchhre that could be seen in the rear-view mirror.

She was close to me and her touch made me feel that she was even closer.
“ This is like a dream come true.” , she started the conversation. I had no words to say. I couldn’t say that I felt the same too in fear of losing the dignity of being a man. The conversation drifted to other things.

“Well here is a nice cottage and they make raw bean coffee. Would you like to test it”. I asked her.
“You are on lead and its you to decide, the journey is yours and I’m in you”. Her reply was strong, definitely stronger then the bean coffee that we had to share. I parked the bike and anchored her to the seat. It was a overhanging roof that stood just above the lake. There were few boats on the lake, the sky was clear and everything looked perfect. She sat by my side, and this I confess, was too early to my expectations. One thing that was reigning my mind was the letter that she was supposed to bring. I took a clever path.

“I feel like we made it late. You should have given me the letter that you wrote. By the way did you bring it.” She gave me a smile. I opened her bag and there inside a small diary I could she a leaf of paper, tapered at ends. “This must be the letter”. She put her hands in her mouth as I drove the diary out and unfolded it. She had used a golden pen, the golden pen rather, for I could remember that pen. It was when we were ten graders that we bought the pen and used to write on special occasion. I remember borrowing it and using without lest knowing what it had been used for. I confess it was I who lost it.

“Dear Parag”.
I tried to read it loud but then she gave me a frawn that soon turned into a smile and she told me to read it by heart. The words really touched me.

“Dear Parag.

Well I don’t know whether I should be writing this letter or not but I feel I shouldn’t hide this. You have been the man of my dreams. I feel so right when I’m with you. I don’t care whether you love me or not but I love you and I want you to know that I love you. If you feel the same then please come to me and lighten my life.”
Ria

I’ll tell the truth. I had expected a longer letter and fancier words. The letter was far less then my expectation but it did touch me. I turned to her. She blushed to red, may be with shy or may be with fear. I gave her a mild kiss on her cheek. She turned to me and kissed me right on my lips. I didn’t deny. The context looked so accelerated and I was out.

At times I felt it wrong for the memory of Ava haunted me. “How could I be so unfaithful to Ava ?” but it didn’t seem that things were under my control. Something was pressing me hard, real hard and I was admist a big dilemma. On one side was Ava who had been with me for more than 2 years and on the other side was this gal with a letter that she wrote to me years back. Something inside me was pushing me to the latter. The choice seemed irrational but still something inside me was trying hard to justify it.

“Hang on. I’ll be back”. With this I stood up went to the bathroom and wrote an sms to ava
“ I don’t know how to say sorry but I found the love of my life. Hope you’ll understand. I’ll call you later”.


I came back kneeled down in front of Ria took her hand and said aloud
“Will you be kind enough to marry me.”